I nearly forget that i have a blog here, have been long time dont put an update here since start my working life. Distraction~~.

Today, i sudenly feel a need to update my spiritual walk of 2008 here. Just for sharing and for myself as a record if suddenly my PC lost all the memory. As backup, hehe.

I remember the last day i left EPCC was the message by Pastor Palan, regarding distraction in life keep us away form listen to God(cannot remember precisely the word, forgot backup). That day, I did made up my mind to have a change, as i know distraction is terrible but it uncontrollable as my faith and strength is little. I recalled, the day Pastor Mei did pray for me, amazingly, my life is changing after the day.

Jan of 2008

Decide to be a wanderer Christian, with no church, with no direction, with no commitment. Sick of fixing myself in a so called God family but I couldn’t found the common ground. I practically not understand the value of evangelism; I was not experience the hunger to serve in ministries and sing the song of God, as no truth in the spirit when worshiping. I was wandering, enjoy the physically freedom (no commitment to serve, not attend service when I don’t feel to go)….

Feb@ March@April 2008

I was visiting few churches. As my background is having part of family members are Catholic, I took initiative to serve St Joseph home as I believed family’s common ground is the a way to seek belonging and comfort. As observed, problematic kids’ home (St Joseph’s Catholic home) did attract the public attention for material donation, but spiritually health is deficient, typically spiritual emptiness but a material/reputation abundance house. I ambiguously found a home to serve, but desperately realize the core value is not there.

As common, I want to organize my confusion, with the knowledge of my observation, message from few churches (especially TOP & EPCC) in regarding authority, I sum up a conclusion.

 Let take rule (traditions/standard) is way to build up authority, politic status and reputation is the symbol of authority, and discipline and power is a tool to access authority. While love and compassionate is an important element to cultivate relationship by learning to understand others emotion (sad/happy, pain/comfort). Ok, take this idea to apply in a family.

Father is a highest status in the politic of family, thus he is having the highest authority in home. He uses to access power of his authority in discipline the kids with his knowledge that he believe will make his kids being a better person. He uses to be strict and hard. While mother behave in gentle and caring, use to  compassionate with using gentle encouragement and caring. (As I heard from my mum with modify by my own understanding, the reason of Ave Maria take a great position in Catholic, is as the age of past, authority abuse (power/politic) was great to compress their life into pain, thus they hunger so much for compassionate and a gentle room to express out their pain, and so they found more comfortable e with prayer to “mother” Ave Maria.)

Well, God is perfect as he makes father and mother, authority and compassionate as a couple to mould a healthy child. With supporting of love and caring, kids able to see the hidden meaning of the discipline use by authority, as with this gentle of love education, they taught to understand, tolerate, and trust. With the existence of authority, they will be dignified and trained forward to be someone positive and leader. In conclusion, the higher possibility kids with no gentle love (proper caring and encouragement) and compressed by harsh authority, will end out no obedience and no understanding /tolerate of others pain. As they use to live in hardship, they not understand true relationship & the concept for them to transcend pain is violence or offence. In the other way, kids with so much toleration and compassionate of attentions, will take granted of this blessing, might unable to be independent and find hard to step out from comfort zone of “caring”, end up of in laziness, week/easy to give up as insufficient of strength as seldom trained by hardship with discipline, so much of dependency will end out in unorganized.

In being St Joseph home for four months, I realize that I will play no effect to being a teacher there. They have more than enough of teacher in their study life, but no one can play an impact to them. I believe they much appreciate a sister in their life rather than an authority of “teacher” in their life. They need for a more intimate relationship for encouragement through hope and caring. They lack of Love, they very much need of God, a faithful relationship. Besides, they need to understand proper authority, our Father, King and God, who will dignify them if they able to discipline in holding His teaching of commandments and righteousness. I need to clarify my words, It is not the matter of religious practice of Catholic in St Joseph, it is the problem of people whether proper exercise religious faith and authority in setting example and education. I have no idea of how the people there exercise the love and authority of God, I just know the results reflect by using the children attitude as a standard is not satisfactory.  As per my understanding, Catholic religion is rich in holding historical and cultural basic of ways to express the authority of God /pope (rules and traditions). The influential power is strong by natural with the existence of historical marks (buildings, age of churches and practices) and it is ready to be a great evangelism tools by default. Thus, abusing the reputation (trust by community) and material provision (donation and support by community) of Catholic Church for individual own benefit is potential to happen. Why? As people are born materialistic in natural (as the world is material build as per seen). At last, I understand that the intention of “Love God” is so applicable to avoid this sinful desire (greed) to misdirect human to make wrong decision. If you put “love” as first intention to do every decision, I believe the wisdom is for you to open your eye to see the best alternative.

Besides, I found out the importance of relationship playing. As a friend told me, “when you eat the bread and drink the blood of Jesus”, you participate into the body of Christ. We are one family, we are one body. Sins, weakness and conflicts are common to this earth, and there is the purpose God come to save us. Yes, it is true, by love, by relationship, we come to Christ, and we build the body with mean of love, use of love. By love, we hold on the relationship with each other, we break the conflict and misunderstanding with efforts of praying for wisdom to understand and transcend the conflict with strength to forgive and influence others.

At last, I found not typical difference of a church from another by these months of visiting, just the different of the people faces, different energy level of action and behavior to worship/serve/pray/praise God. They are sharing same intention (love God), same objective (Praise & serve God) and same common ground (faith to God with knowledge of bible). If a church access the meaning and purpose of love within a relationship to God and people, there is God’s church. We have the adaption ability to varies culture (rules and behavior of a church), just the factor of willingness level by the driver of people (level of the depth of relationship).

Praise the Lord of this learning process within this 4 months.Thanks.