This was the day i day dreamed in lecture hall again. And so I failed to get the whole picture of lecture about, just had a few sentences that direct me to have a better understanding of life “a good investor should invest but not speculate…”

Walking in a journey of uncertainty, I  attach to insecurity and fears. In order to have a better control of my journey forward, I use to analyze my life rather live my life. The first principle that rules my mind is “our fate is formulated by universal force”, the running system of causality (as Buddhism’s belief, cause and effect).
Causality appears as a logic reason and compatible to many facts of world. For example about life: effect with restless life (spiritual unease in ways of sickness, suffering, depression, and so on.) caused by previous sins of doing. What punishment or reward distributed in a future life based on the performance today. However, it is not easy to compose the formula of causality. We just get the fact that “do good things, collect good deeds, blessing life in future: do bad things, collect sins, cursing life in future”, but we never know how this fact actually happens in control our fate. In fact, theory of Buddhism did explain how deeds and sins happen in control our life, if I am not mistaken it is happen in impact our spirit through a very complicated forces. I wonder, if the theory of causality is so true to explain the world, why God never emphasis it in bible and explain the theory of it. This results me in two doubts: 1.) doubt of the accuracy of causality, 2.) doubt of the informative level of Christianity.
But now, I didn’t put my thought locked by either of this doubt anymore, but in hesitation of what is the right way i should go to understand the truth of Christianity.

Dictionary’s explanation :
Speculate–To assume to be true without conclusive evidence.
Invest –1)To commit (money or capital) in order to gain a financial return/ 2.)to devote morally or psychologically, as to a purpose; commit

Human never have the power to have conclusive evidence of fate. Even you are philosopher, fate researcher, or metaphysician even supernatural power possessor, you just only can speculate life with the knowledges/skills/limited power you have, but still unable/no right to fully control and conclude someone life. In fact, Buddhism is also origin from philosophy, but not religion. The intention of most people in speculate life, is want to understand how their life going, in order to convert miserable life to a better life.
It is a precious blessing of gift for christian to invest (commit) thier life in kingdom of God rather than speculate thier life to conquer the uncertainty. God’s loves and promises are so warm in thier heart.

But tonight, im modifying this passage of words that i wrote last week after the discovery of the real me is hardly stop to speculate fate,which i know i shouldn’t. Since young, Mum scolded me was a rebellious girl who like to learn from a hard way; Teachers and lecturer commented me a student who dont know how to follow instruction and fix to one angle in study. I used to create so many troubles and failures for myself in practice of thinking too many of why and possibilities in issue that i serious to.Uneasy mind with full of confusions and doubts if choose to speculate.Well, speculator is part of investor too, just kind of investor exposure to risk more than others.